Her Birthday
You take her out to dinner....................0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar...............+1
Okay, it is a sports bar.........................-2
And it's all-you-can-eat night....................-3
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team.......-10
You go to a nice, pricey restaurant & hire a guitar player.........+3
You go to a pricey restaurant, hire a guitar player and get up and sing.............................+4
If you stink.............................+2
If you're not half bad........................+5
You get up and sing a Barry Manilow song, and you're escorted out to much applause...........-2
You give her a gift........................0
You give her a gift and it's a small appliance.............-10
You give her a gift and it's not a small appliance ...........+1
You give her a gift, and it isn't chocolate..................+2
You give her a gift that you'll be paying off for months..........+30
You wait until the last minute and buy her a gift that day........-10
With her credit card...............-30
And whatever you bought is two sizes too big..........-40
Thoughtfulness
You forget her birthday completely.......................-20
You forget your anniversary.....................-30
You forget to pick her up at the bus station...........-45
Which is in Newark, New Jersey...................-50
And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast.............-60
A Night Out With The Boys
Go out with a pal ...........................-5
And the pal is happily married ...................-4
Or frighteningly single ....................-7
And he drives a Mustang....................-10
With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED)...............-15
You have a few beers.................-9
And miss curfew by an hour.................-12
You miss curfew by an hour and you didn't call....................-20
You get home at 3 am....................-30
You get home at 3 am smelling of booze and cheap cigars...........-40
And not wearing any pants......................-50
Is that a tattoo??.................-200
Her Night Out
You stay home while she goes out with her annoying friend from work...................+5
She goes out with her annoying work friends, and she comes home late.................+10
You wait up.......................+15
She goes out, comes home late and drunk, and you put her to bed..........+20
A Night At Home
You watch TV together.................0
You rent a movie...............+2
You rent a movie and it's SENSE & SENSIBILITY...................+3
It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you stay awake throughout.............+5
It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you fall asleep.......................-1
It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you fall asleep and drool.............-2
A Night Out
You take her to a movie........................+2
You take her to a movie she likes...................+4
You take her to a movie you hate ...................+6
You take her to a movie you like.................-2
It's called DeathCop 3.......................-3
Which features cyborgs having sex..................-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans...........-15
Flowers
You buy her flowers only when it's expected........................ 0
You buy her flowers as a surprise, just for the hell of it........+20
You give her wildflowers you've actually picked yourself..........+30
And she contracts Lyme disease....................................-25