I served my country as a waiter.  Don't act like I wasn't brave.  I served shrimp cocktails until 9:30pm.

I fought like hell during my shift.  Other waiters would try to steal my tables.  It was war!  Sometimes, I'd have to call my manager.

I was brave when I served people.  I would fearlessly ask customers for their order.  

With courage, I would tell them the soup of the day.

Don't think that I am comparing my bravery to a soldier's bravery.  A waiter's bravery is 100% more authentic.

It's not even a comparison.  Waiters are way braver than soldiers.  

Want to defeat ISIS?  Send in about 29 specially trained waiters.

We'll serve the caliphate an experience that they'll never forget.  And if they want to keep fighting then guess what?

I'll leave.  I'll call real marines.  If we can't handle ISIS then I give up.  I'm not gonna fight them twice.  Are you crazy?  

I have a catering gig on Tuesday and I have to look nice.  I'll be wearing a tuxedo.

 

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